Abuse Victim Blamed For Being Abused

A woman who molested an 11-year-old boy did not receive ANY jail time. The more I hear about stories like this, the more I believe that women abusers are not taken as seriously as a man. This story just exemplifies the attitudes people have to male victims of abuse when the perpetrator is a woman, and it’s sad. It continues an attitude that men and boys cannot be victims, forcing people who suffer from such abuse to continue being victims in silence.

This story is reported in The Sun by Alex West, describing how Jade Hatt, age 21, had sex with the 11-year-old boy she was babysitting. The story actually described how intercourse lasted for less than a minute before he asked Hatt to stop because he believed it was wrong. However, the boy’s father dismissed the abuse by saying it was just “a notch on his belt.”

Rob Ross, who defended Hatt, said that the boy was “sex mad” and was “fully up for the experience”, even though the boy is 11-years-old. Additionally, he said his client, Hatt, was “very immature for his years.”

The judge, Tim Mousley QC, said that the immaturity of the woman and the maturity of the boy somehow cuts into the arithmetic of the age gap. Because of this, Mousley sentenced Hatt for to six months in prison suspended for two years and must register as a sex offender for the next seven years. What this ends up meaning is the woman will receive no jail time at all.

But the person that disgusted me the most is the boy’s father, saying that this was just another notch in his son’s belt. If there is actually such a thing as toxic masculinity, this would be the definition. Instead of seeing his son as a rape victim, the father looked at the molestation of his son as some sort of conquest. I usually don’t argue for children being taken away from their parents, but this might be one of those times where it is a good idea.

The sickening thing about this entire situation is that it is a classic case of blaming the victim. By labeling him as “sex mad”, people are arguing that this boy deserved the molestation. Worse yet, an actual court of law bought this excuse. Just imagine if the abuser was a man and the victim was a girl, people would be screaming their outrage. Nobody would dare call an 11-year-old girl “sex mad”. It is like I found out before, people do not want to view women as abusers and males as victims. That is the society that is being propped up, one where men are afraid to come forward with abuse for fear that they will be the ones blamed.

This article touches on something personal for me, for I was 11 when I was molested by a woman. I have not came out with this until recently. Too many times, whenever someone said he was molested by a woman as a boy, they look at that as if it was something to be celebrated instead of it being the abuse that it is. When it happened to me, it was not another “notch on the belt” but an experience that followed me for decades. It effected relationships I have been in. I abused alcohol and drugs for decades. This is a serious issue, but the people are treating this boy as if he did something wrong. This is a stance that we cannot support. Hatt is the adult, she is the one who needs to take responsibility.

Just imagined that if she gets pregnant, what would this boy’s responsibility? How could he, as an 11-year-old, actually be a father? What if the boy got a disease? And we still cannot tell what lasting effects this event will have on his personality. These are issues that must be addressed before anyone else is harmed. We need to call this what it is. Hatt is a pedophile and deserves to be treated as such. This boy must not be turned into the one who is blamed, and Hatt cannot be made the victim.

The link to West’s article is below.



When Men Suffer Abuse, People Laugh

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I have a few thoughts about this. When people talk about domestic violence, people usually think of abusive husbands or boyfriends abusing the ones they proclaim to love. People never really discuss things when it’s the other way around, though. When the woman is the abuser against a man, people just don’t take it as seriously for some reason. Whenever it’s discussed, it’s framed more as a joke instead of the serious problem it is.

Just look at how the media treats domestic abusers. Male abusers are rightfully vilified, having the title of abuser follow them around. When you heard the name of boxer Floyd Mayweather, Jr., you remember that he went to jail for hitting a woman. What is unfortunate about today’s society is that when someone committed a wrong like this, if they have a talent, they can continue to find work. That is what keeps Mayweather in business, his ability to take a punch. Still, it does not erase the memory people have of what he did, and it’s a stigma that will follow him well after his boxing career is over.

But when you take an athlete who is equally as talented but switch the genders, how that athlete is discussed seems to change. Just take the case of Hope Solo, the goalkeeper for the U.S. National Soccer Team. Solo was arrested for domestic abuse committed against her half sister and her nephew. Even though the charges were initially dismissed, an appeals court in Washington state overruled the dismissal and Solo will be facing charges once more.

The difference between how these two figures were treated is that Mayweather’s abusive nature was rightly pointed out while Solo’s was not. Never during any of Fox’s Women’s World Cup coverage did they mention Solo’s charges, at least not while I was watching. There is a double standard in how male abusers are treated and women abusers.

It gets even worse when the victim of a female abuser just happens to be an adult male. That’s when the subject turns into something of a joke in people’s minds. People just don’t view men being beaten by women as seriously as the other way around. According to Edward Rhymes, writing for Mint Press News, there are more than 830,000 men who fall victim to domestic abuse. Rhymes also said that in 71 percent of instances where “nonreciprocal violence” occurred, the instigator was a woman.

There are ways for men to get help, but it is more difficult for them to reach out because of various societal pressures. According to the Help for Abused Men page on HelpGuide.org, reasons include wanting to protect children from being abused by their spouse, feeling ashamed for being beaten by a woman, afraid of being outed if in a gay relationship, or are in denial about the abuse. The most insidious reason given by this guide, in my opinion, is a lack of resources for the abuse victim. Men abused by women tend to not believed by authorities, or the abuse in minimized.

We live in a society where there is hardly any sympathy for male victims of abuse. There are no Lifetime movies about the husband abused by his spouse. Whenever something like this is shown in the media, the man is the butt of the joke. If you do not believe it, check out this video literally titled:

People Watch & Laugh When Woman Is Seen Beating Up Man — Shocking Prank Video

Here is the link to the video:


Finally, no victim deserves the abuse they receive. Everyone who finds themselves in the hands of an abuser needs a lifeline to pull them out. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman, victims need our help and support.

HelpGuide.org gives links on their page on how to get help if you are in an abusive relationship. Please check out the link below.