My Response To Todd Nickerson

I finally read that second article by Todd Nickerson that appeared in Salon, stating that him coming out as a pedophile has somehow introduced him to some vile “right-wing hate machine”. I want to tell you that no, it is not the right wing that is objecting to your stance. Instead it is normal people who truly see your desire for what it is, a desire to harm children.

Let’s be honest about what your desire is, Mr. Nickerson. What you are feeling is a desire to rape someone. Children cannot have the capability to consent to any sort of sexual contact because they do not have the maturity to understand adult relationships, including sexual ones. By definition, any sort of sexual contact with a child is contact without consent. There is a sort of word for that type of contact: Rape.

Even though you claim to never have acted on those desires, it is still disturbing at the very least. Just imagine if someone goes to a party with a desire to rape that evening. Even if that person never acts on those desires, people will still view that desire as a problem that absolutely must be addressed. You need to find someone to help you with your problem professionally because violence like this is unacceptable, even if it is not acted upon.

And, yes, the problem with Salon presenting your argument in the manner that it did IS that it normalizes pedophilia. This is not simply a condition. It is a disorder that can bring real harm to children if acted upon and should never just be accepted.

I understand you have freedom of speech and have the right to say whatever it is you have to say. I would like you to be quiet, since emotions have a way of making hypocrites of us all, but you can say whatever. I have the right to speak against you, which I am doing right now, but I have nowhere near the platform you have. What angers me is that you, a pedophile, has a larger voice than me, an actual survivor of sexual abuse when I was a child.

That Salon could not find it within itself somewhere to give that counterpoint, it is disgusting. The survivors of abuse should have a voice but are often silent. Instead of providing a platform that will allow more survivors to come forward, Salon is perpetuating an environment where we are too hidden in the shadows. In this, Salon became part of the problem.

If anything, I am the farthest thing from right wing, but I can’t find myself in the left anymore, either. The left is pushing me further away as it is supporting more positions that I find untenable.

Abuse Victim Blamed For Being Abused

A woman who molested an 11-year-old boy did not receive ANY jail time. The more I hear about stories like this, the more I believe that women abusers are not taken as seriously as a man. This story just exemplifies the attitudes people have to male victims of abuse when the perpetrator is a woman, and it’s sad. It continues an attitude that men and boys cannot be victims, forcing people who suffer from such abuse to continue being victims in silence.

This story is reported in The Sun by Alex West, describing how Jade Hatt, age 21, had sex with the 11-year-old boy she was babysitting. The story actually described how intercourse lasted for less than a minute before he asked Hatt to stop because he believed it was wrong. However, the boy’s father dismissed the abuse by saying it was just “a notch on his belt.”

Rob Ross, who defended Hatt, said that the boy was “sex mad” and was “fully up for the experience”, even though the boy is 11-years-old. Additionally, he said his client, Hatt, was “very immature for his years.”

The judge, Tim Mousley QC, said that the immaturity of the woman and the maturity of the boy somehow cuts into the arithmetic of the age gap. Because of this, Mousley sentenced Hatt for to six months in prison suspended for two years and must register as a sex offender for the next seven years. What this ends up meaning is the woman will receive no jail time at all.

But the person that disgusted me the most is the boy’s father, saying that this was just another notch in his son’s belt. If there is actually such a thing as toxic masculinity, this would be the definition. Instead of seeing his son as a rape victim, the father looked at the molestation of his son as some sort of conquest. I usually don’t argue for children being taken away from their parents, but this might be one of those times where it is a good idea.

The sickening thing about this entire situation is that it is a classic case of blaming the victim. By labeling him as “sex mad”, people are arguing that this boy deserved the molestation. Worse yet, an actual court of law bought this excuse. Just imagine if the abuser was a man and the victim was a girl, people would be screaming their outrage. Nobody would dare call an 11-year-old girl “sex mad”. It is like I found out before, people do not want to view women as abusers and males as victims. That is the society that is being propped up, one where men are afraid to come forward with abuse for fear that they will be the ones blamed.

This article touches on something personal for me, for I was 11 when I was molested by a woman. I have not came out with this until recently. Too many times, whenever someone said he was molested by a woman as a boy, they look at that as if it was something to be celebrated instead of it being the abuse that it is. When it happened to me, it was not another “notch on the belt” but an experience that followed me for decades. It effected relationships I have been in. I abused alcohol and drugs for decades. This is a serious issue, but the people are treating this boy as if he did something wrong. This is a stance that we cannot support. Hatt is the adult, she is the one who needs to take responsibility.

Just imagined that if she gets pregnant, what would this boy’s responsibility? How could he, as an 11-year-old, actually be a father? What if the boy got a disease? And we still cannot tell what lasting effects this event will have on his personality. These are issues that must be addressed before anyone else is harmed. We need to call this what it is. Hatt is a pedophile and deserves to be treated as such. This boy must not be turned into the one who is blamed, and Hatt cannot be made the victim.

The link to West’s article is below.

http://www.thesun.co.uk/sol/homepage/news/6675810/Babysitter-dodges-jail-after-romp-with-lad-11.html?CMP=spklr-_-Editorial-_-TWITTER-_-TheSunNewspaper-_-20151005-_-News-_-248918482-_-Imageandlink

When Men Suffer Abuse, People Laugh

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, and I have a few thoughts about this. When people talk about domestic violence, people usually think of abusive husbands or boyfriends abusing the ones they proclaim to love. People never really discuss things when it’s the other way around, though. When the woman is the abuser against a man, people just don’t take it as seriously for some reason. Whenever it’s discussed, it’s framed more as a joke instead of the serious problem it is.

Just look at how the media treats domestic abusers. Male abusers are rightfully vilified, having the title of abuser follow them around. When you heard the name of boxer Floyd Mayweather, Jr., you remember that he went to jail for hitting a woman. What is unfortunate about today’s society is that when someone committed a wrong like this, if they have a talent, they can continue to find work. That is what keeps Mayweather in business, his ability to take a punch. Still, it does not erase the memory people have of what he did, and it’s a stigma that will follow him well after his boxing career is over.

But when you take an athlete who is equally as talented but switch the genders, how that athlete is discussed seems to change. Just take the case of Hope Solo, the goalkeeper for the U.S. National Soccer Team. Solo was arrested for domestic abuse committed against her half sister and her nephew. Even though the charges were initially dismissed, an appeals court in Washington state overruled the dismissal and Solo will be facing charges once more.

The difference between how these two figures were treated is that Mayweather’s abusive nature was rightly pointed out while Solo’s was not. Never during any of Fox’s Women’s World Cup coverage did they mention Solo’s charges, at least not while I was watching. There is a double standard in how male abusers are treated and women abusers.

It gets even worse when the victim of a female abuser just happens to be an adult male. That’s when the subject turns into something of a joke in people’s minds. People just don’t view men being beaten by women as seriously as the other way around. According to Edward Rhymes, writing for Mint Press News, there are more than 830,000 men who fall victim to domestic abuse. Rhymes also said that in 71 percent of instances where “nonreciprocal violence” occurred, the instigator was a woman.

There are ways for men to get help, but it is more difficult for them to reach out because of various societal pressures. According to the Help for Abused Men page on HelpGuide.org, reasons include wanting to protect children from being abused by their spouse, feeling ashamed for being beaten by a woman, afraid of being outed if in a gay relationship, or are in denial about the abuse. The most insidious reason given by this guide, in my opinion, is a lack of resources for the abuse victim. Men abused by women tend to not believed by authorities, or the abuse in minimized.

We live in a society where there is hardly any sympathy for male victims of abuse. There are no Lifetime movies about the husband abused by his spouse. Whenever something like this is shown in the media, the man is the butt of the joke. If you do not believe it, check out this video literally titled:

People Watch & Laugh When Woman Is Seen Beating Up Man — Shocking Prank Video

Here is the link to the video:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CMRmGOj-Kj4

Finally, no victim deserves the abuse they receive. Everyone who finds themselves in the hands of an abuser needs a lifeline to pull them out. It doesn’t matter if it’s a man or a woman, victims need our help and support.

HelpGuide.org gives links on their page on how to get help if you are in an abusive relationship. Please check out the link below.

http://www.mintpressnews.com/woman-aggressor-unspoken-truth-domestic-violence/196746/

http://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/help-for-abused-men.htm

Not remaining silent

This is the scariest thing I have ever sat down to write, but what is happening now in certain circles have pushed me towards finally speaking about my life. I cannot remain silent, not with things as they are. I cannot stand idly by as predators are being championed as heroes or defended as victims while the true victims remain in the shadows, not allowed to talk. Now, here it goes: I was a victim of sexual and physical abuse.

This abuse happened shortly after my parents were divorced. I lived with my mother, and she brought her new boyfriend over to our home. This boyfriend was the source of the physical abuse. He was very quick to anger and quick to use force. Thankfully he never closed his fists, but it was more than enough to leave marks underneath my shirt.

My mother and her boyfriend would often take weekend trips, leaving me and my two siblings home with a babysitter. It was this babysitter, an 18-year-old woman, that abused me sexually. I would say I lost my virginity at 11, but it would be more apt to say it was stolen.

These are things that someone cannot just simply erase, because it remains with you for the rest of your life. Anger becomes a way of life, and guilt believing you were the one that had done something wrong. You feel dirty, soiled to the soul, unable to love or be loved, yet inside you feel the cries of the child that can never get the chance to grow up into adulthood. If every adult has an inner child, the child of those abused are continually crying while shuddering in fear while the adult flails away trying anything to somehow comfort that child, or perhaps forget that child even exists.

For me, it was through drugs and alcohol, finding ways to deaden the pain. Once I began down this path, it was easy for me to become an alcoholic and addict, even landing myself in jail a couple of times. I drove home drunk many, many nights and I am incredibly grateful I got nobody killed. I am now sober and have been for 15 years, but there are times when I feel ashamed of those years of my life wasted. Still, I blame nobody for those days spent in a haze, not even my abusers. Those are my mistakes and I own them. I will not give my abusers any credit for anything in my life. They do not deserve that.

For anyone who sees me now, they might not see someone who was abused: a man in his forties with a graying beard and thinning hairline, a bit overweight and fairly withdrawn from those around me. Crowds make me nervous normally, especially large crowds of people I don’t know. I always keep up my facade that I’m all right, that there’s nothing to worry about, carry on, carry on. What’s wrong is within me, the wounds that never really heal. It’s a chronic pain that I learn to ignore through most of my days but sometimes, something comes up that brings it bubbling up to the surface.

But what I know now is that I did nothing to deserve that abuse I received when I was a child. They were the predators, and I was their victim. I am not their victim anymore, though. I am a survivor. I continue to live with what they have done, but now it will be on my terms.

So when people on Twitter decide to protect someone who admitted abusing a child, just try to imagine what the victims are going through. I know you don’t want to think of yourselves being associated with a monster and it takes courage to see the truth. I encourage you to at least try. You deserve to give the victim that much at least.

#Cyberviolence and Actual Violence

After Anita Sarkeesian and Zoe Quinn spoke in the United Nations, the world that kept on being bandied about was cyberviolence. Apparently it is the belief that people can do actual violence online. According to the report released by the U.N., online harassment can be just as damaging as gang rape. What does this harassment entail? The answer, according to Sarkeesian, is telling women that they are a liar and that they suck.

Now try and equate those two things in your mind, being gang raped, and being told, “You suck” online, whether it be a tweet or e-mail. One is a brutal act of violence that leave scars for the rest of someone’s life if they survive the ordeal. With the other one you can . . . simply turn off the computer and walk away.

These two things just does not compute within my head. Maybe I’m not the smartest guy in the world, but there just seems to be some sort of disconnect between this concept of cyberviolence and real world, actual violence. There are tools in place for people to protect themselves from cruel words online. On Twitter, for example, you can block anyone from viewing your tweets, and you can mute others so that you do not have to even read the tweets from the offender. There are ways for people to protect themselves from the mean words spoken by others online if they only wish to use them. These are options that just do not exist for violence in the real world.

For me, I had no options when I was a victim of abuse. I could not block the hand of the man who abused me physically. I could not mute the hand of the woman who abused me sexually. Children are missing these tools to protect themselves, not knowing how to prevent the damage to their souls. People claiming that mean words online has the same effect as the literal abuse suffered by survivors is shameful, truly shameful.

Additionally, what is the United Nations doing wasting its time with an issue such as this? There are plenty of other crises around the world that deserves their attention more than this. ISIS invading Syria, leading rape gangs as they tear through the streets. The men fled, leaving women to fend for themselves and their children. There are nations that conscript child soldiers into their ranks. Kids that should be playing games in the yard with their friends are shooting and stabbing others under the orders of warlords.

However it shouldn’t be surprising that the United Nations failed us on so many different levels. This body consisting of diplomats from nations around the world, they have found new and terrifying ways to completely melt down. Just look at the case of Saudi Arabia, one of the worst violators of human rights today.

In Saudi Arabia, men could marry girls as young as 9, while women are not allowed to drive. Public beheadings are commonplace while they hang the headless bodies for all to see. Sentencing people to crucifixion is not a rare occurrence, recently sentencing a 17 year old to die in in this agonizing manner. The government recently decided to arrest anyone who identifies as an atheist as a terrorist. Of all the societies in the world, Saudi Arabia is one of the most backward thinking places you can imagine.

Instead of the United Nations condemning the actions of Saudi Arabia, they placed that nation’s ambassador on the Human Rights Council in a leading role. We have truly reached an age of the lunatics running the asylum, Sarkeesian and Quinn just being two more within the padded walls. Instead of focusing themselves on the real world terrors that are going on around them, they are putting their efforts into this ethereal cyberviolence. If people do not get their priorities straight, horrible incidences of real world violence will be allowed to continue.

Today, October 1, 2015, there has been a school shooting in Oregon leaving 13 dead and 20 more wounded as of the time I wrote this. This is actual, real violence, not the pretend stuff that you talked about at the United Nations. Do the right thing, and focus on what’s really wrong in the world.